Ann’s Blog

The Best of Both Worlds

Breakfast at the WIN office



 

I think of my time here for the past two months, and it’s extremely difficult to encapsulate everything that we’ve done and seen.  From adjusting to the work life to strengthening our stomachs, it’s been a cultural experience to say the least.

I am the only half Sri Lankan of the batch; my mother is American born and my father holds his roots in Jaffna. Before I met the other fellows, I was of course expecting a similar story or a fellow with a similar shade of color. That wasn’t the case. All of us come from completely different Sri Lankan experiences. Here I am going to a place that I had only visited twice, and of those times only once I can remember. I didn’t speak a word of Sinhala or Tamil growing up, and yet here I am learning both languages. I’m meeting some family for the first time, among them the eldest great grandchild (I am the youngest) of our great grandfather in Jaffna. Aunties and Uncles who I don’t know somehow get ahold of my number and yell at me for not ringing them beforehand, which is somehow very comforting when I thought this place was so foreign to me beforehand. Sri Lankans don’t really say “yes” or “no,” so you can end up never really knowing what will happen next. At times, I’ve wanted to rip my hair out of frustration, after for example, getting taken around in a trishaw for way longer than necessary because no one will admit that they don’t know where you want to go. This goes for work too. Their notorious head wobble, or whatever you’d like to call it, can be perceived as whatever you want it to be—most of the time it means that whatever you say won’t get done and their going to forget what you said in the first place anyhow. The first word I learned from listening to my coworkers talk was the Sinhala word for “later.” Ha, language is culture, right? 

New WIN office in Jaffna

Regardless, my work at Women in Need (WIN) gives me an environment full of passionate and professional Sri Lankan women. It is the only NGO that provides free counseling and legal services for women and children who suffer from domestic violence. In post war Sri Lanka, women’s issues have soared in the media and headlines. Actually, as I sit and write this I’m listening to a presentation given by WIN about women’s violence and abuse conducted completely in Tamil in Jaffna, just meters away from where ancestors walked. There have been hundreds of thousands of women in the north and east displaced after losing their husbands to war. Plenty of women in the north have to walk miles alone and take care of their entire family with no income. Situations like these that are particular to women has brought about an uprising of other organizations focusing their attention to women’s needs, such as the Family Rehabilitation Center (FRC), which draws their attention to mental health needs in Sri Lanka, and the Foundation of Goodness (through their donations of bikes to women).

 WIN gathering in Jaffna to discuss domestic violence

Just weeks earlier, I was again in Jaffna mentoring youth for a hope and reconciliation organization called Sri Lanka Unites (SLU).  500 students of all ethnic backgrounds came from around the country to partake in team building activities and workshops to promote unity in the country and for the next generation after a three decade long war that tore the country apart. This was the first organization that I had witnessed that actively promotes unity across all races and backgrounds. Additionally, they have a program entitled SHOW (Stop Harassment Of Women). SHOW focuses on putting an end to the harassment of women on buses and other forms of public transportation.

I guess there are a lot of interesting disparities and hypocrisy here when it comes to women’s issues. Yes, there are movements and organizations where women are standing up for themselves, but when walking into a gathering hall at any time, I can assure you the men and women will sit miles apart if they could. Women are, more than ever, scared to go out at night and expect a man to escort them at all times. How can equality really be achieved if we still have to cover ourselves up and refrain from talking about “sex” and other “scandalous” topics? Also, when will the men stop looking at us like we’re aliens (and then awkwardly touch us) whenever we hop on a bus? Sri Lanka is considered to be a matriarchal society, but this doesn’t really exist anywhere outside the home.

Despite many ingrained cultural behaviors, I think, absolutely, that Sri Lanka, in this post war state, is reaching equality on a number of levels: race, gender, and ethnicity. It’s already changed so much since I was last here in 2004. We are halfway done with our fellowship, and we’ve all seen and experienced so much. It’s exciting to be in Sri Lanka during this time when there’s such a focus on revitalization and rehabilitation for this prosperous island.

 Ann with a portrait of her grandfather - the first principal of Jaffna Hindu College

 

Ann Selvadurai